Monday, December 1, 2014

The Struggle is Real

*I know posts without pictures are no fun, but this millennial can't figure out how to upload pictures from her iPad to this blog post*

Ever since deciding that I was going to be a present mother to my son I have found myself struggling with how to be a present mother. There are days when I feel like I was dropped off in the middle of the ocean and told "alright, now swim back to shore!" except I don't know where shore is. I remember once back in my not-impressive-at-all surfing days I was completely taken down by a wave and I was being tossed around under the water like a rag doll, I had no idea which way was up. I told myself, "don't freak out, don't freak out, just stay calm", thankfully, in a moment of clarity I thought "hey, just follow your leash, your surfboard is up above." I think I probably need to keep that on repeat in my head ever day - "don't freak out, don't freak out, just stay calm", thankfully Orthodoxy has just the prayer to pray for those days (let's be honest, everyday) I feel so overwhelmed by my role as a mother "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God have mercy upon me a sinner". What other prayer is there really besides the prayer for mercy? It's still a struggle, I am not sure how many times per day I can listen to my nearly three year old say "play with me!" before I want to go hide in the closet but this prayer gives me hope, Lord have mercy.